You're the one on the card!
by thassalian
Summary: Two planeswalkers find themselves stuck on our plane of existence. And one of them isn't really in favor of his card art.
1. Chapter 1

"What the hell is this?" Chandra stared at the little piece of cardboard. _Chandra, the Firebrand_, it said in black letters. Hmm. Her thighs weren't _that_ big, as far as she remembered.

"Woah." She looked up to see a crowd of people, mostly men and boys, staring at her. "Uh, hi." Stare. "I'll just..." One of them was starting to move and she made a run for it, gliding out the door. Five seconds found her running for her life down some kind of staircase that moved automatically, pushing her way past people to avoid the humming swarm of men and boys. _This plane's fucked up,_ she thought.

"Hold on, miss," A man in some kind of uniform caught her wrist. "You can't have open flames in a mall, miss. It can make things too hot around here," he said. Chandra was fully aware of how he wasn't at all looking at her face. "Yeah well, these flames are a trademark, you know, so if you don't mind..." She inched away, but the man had a firm grip on her wrist. "Really, miss, you could at least turn off whatever contraption-"

He was a human man, that was for sure. Only humans burned like that when she set fire to their heads. The maddening crowd was gaining on her, and would have caught up to her and swept her away if it hadn't been for a girl dressed as a banana. "This way." The girl dragged her across a street past some machine-like things and turned a corner. There were a lot of machines on this street, too, and all going from white to black, with an occasional red one mixed in. The girl pulled her past a gate - a regular gate - and into a place that reeked of academics.

"Who were those?" The girl pulled off her banana costume and shook her hair away from her face. She looked around sixteen, but not the kind of sixteen that ran after boys and revelled in feminine fantasies. "They're called fanboys. Since you're dressed like Chandra, it'd be natural for them to be chasing you like that, 'specially now that there's a new expansion out."

"Expansion?" _Okay, this plane is seriously fucked_ _up. _"Expansion for Magic: The Gathering. The new 2014 one." The girl looked her over skeptically. "You're cosplaying Chandra and you have no idea that the M14 is out?"

"I'm not-" Chandra's tongue nearly tripped over this new word. "-cosplaying Chandra. I_ am_ Chandra."

"Right, and I was Banana Princess just a few minutes ago." The wanted firebrand was starting to lose it. She walked over and held the girl up by the collar. "Lissen, bitch, I'm only saying this one last time: I. Am. Chandra." The girl, for some surprising reason, wasn't at all affected by how close their faces were or how menacing Chandra's face was. The look on her face was defiant, something like hers when she was younger. "You expect me to believe that _you're_ Chandra the Firebrand? The _real_ Chandra the Firebrand?"

"Well I am."

"And what do you think is going to make me believe that-" A wall of flame rose between them, narrowly missing the tip of the teen's nose. "Believe me now?" Chandra growled. She still hadn't managed to wipe the defiance off her face.

She did manage to call the attention of some women from across the park, though. "Shit," the girl muttered, moving away from Chandra and picking up her banana costume. "You and I gotta bail." The women were coming nearer now, and Chandra could see why the girl wanted out of there: they were authority figures. And in all her years of experience, older women who doubled as authority figures were much more annoying. She followed the girl's billowing banana suit across the park and through the field to a building on the other side.

* * *

_Tuesday_

_Met this weird chick today. Keeps saying she's Chandra Nalaar. As in, THE Chandra Nalaar. Fuckin' A. Maybe she's some Magic enthusiast/mental hospital escapee. Worst part is I actually saved her flaming ass. If Dad were home things would be worse; he'd be asking me who the hell the girl hiding out in my room is, and why the hell she's burning the wallpaper off. It's weird, but I think I'm starting to believe her weird-ass story. There's no way her hair can flare up like her temper. Damn bitch's nearly strangled me twice._

_Dammit. Only two more weeks till Dad comes back from that business trip. The hell am I going to do with this chick?_

* * *

"Alright, say I were to believe you, what then?" the girl asked. The planeswalker looked up from a bowl of what the teen said was, "instant ramen". "I'm stuck here. It happens every now and then, it shouldn't take too long before I can head back to wherever."

"So, you need a place to crash?"

"Crash?"

"_Stay._ You need a place to stay."

"I guess so. You could just point me to an inn or-"

"No inns on this plane, Nalaar, at least not anymore. Closest thing you can get to an inn is Sogo, and you only go there for..."

"For?"

"Entertainment." The girl smiled impishly. She raised an eyebrow at her. That smile was unbelievably close to the look on a prostitute's face when they explain what they do for a living to little children. '_See, I spend time with men...'_ A snap brought her back to reality. "'ey. I said you're watching my place while I go to school."

"What?"

"Dammit, you'll be here, completely free, with all the free food and drink you want, while I go to school, where they have uniforms that make you look fat and rules that make no sense. Get it now?" Chandra nodded. The words _free foo__d and drink_ were a very good marketing strategy on the girl's part. "And you're sharing a bed with me, so if you gotta schlick, go to the bathroom. Can't have you burning the wallpaper in Dad's room."

"What the hell is 'schlick'?" The girl laughed and tossed a can of something called Coke at her. "You'll know it. Hell, you probably know it already." She made her way to the window and peeked out. Meanwhile, the Firebrand looked around at her new place. It didn't look half bad. From the outside it didn't look like much, but the inside made up for everything. She took another bite of her ramen and sipped at the soup. As for the teen...

"What's your name?" The girl looked back at her from the window. "Huh? What do you care?"

"I could ask you the same thing. You could have left me back there with the mob, but here I am." The girl sniffed and muttered something. "What? I can't hear you."

"Adeli. My name is Adeli."

* * *

Figured I'd do something fun to prepare for my 16th birthday besides cramming for requirements. New goal: finish this by August 22. Ready, 2, 3.. BANG!


	2. Chapter 2

Adeli was really having quite a time with the wanted Firebrand.

"I said you'd have free food while I was gone, but that didn't mean I was going to let you roast my cat." The said feline, Ceros, was trembling behind her leg. Adeli wasn't really one for weak things, but when she found Ceros as a kitten she made an exception. "Well, sorry, Grand Mistress, but how am I supposed to eat this?" Chandra held up a cup of instant ramen. The teen sighed and took it from her. "Okay, it goes like this." She pulled her over to the thermos. "You pull the cover off like this-" The lid made a satisfying rip. "Then you hold it under the spout and press the button until the water reaches the line."

"You do remember that I am a stranger to this plane, right?"

"Yeah, which is why I'm teaching you. Can't have you completely clueless." The water reached the line and she covered it again. "Now we wait. Three minutes." Ceros mewed and Adeli picked him up. He kept a wary eye on the woman with flaming hair. "You did drink something right?" she asked. Chandra nodded. "What?"

"I went out and found a stream-"

"There's a stream near here?" The Firebrand nodded and gestured out the kitchen window at the river. Adeli pinched the bridge of her nose. That wasn't a stream, it was a river. And that river happened to be where the factory across town dumped the contents of its septic tanks. "Loo, when you're here, you get the water from this thing." She tapped the refrigerator. "And what is that?"

"A refrigerator." She looked over her new house mate. "You sure you don't want to change into something a little more dry?"

* * *

_Wednesday_

_Taught Chandra how to use the microwave today. No mishaps, thank God. Ceros still won't go anywhere near her. We're sharing everything now, from the shower to my clothes. Her tits wouldn't fit into anything I wore so I gave her some of Dad's shirts for now. I'll handle the washing like I always do. After all, damn bitch might burn the stains off._

* * *

Later in the room they shared, Chandra looked over one of Adeli's "Magic decks". The kid had four sitting on her table in their respective "deck boxes". She had to admit though, some of the art was pretty good. It was apparently a hybrid red/green deck, with mostly Elves. A few cards later, she lit on a familiar face.

"I _know_ I look better than this," she said to herself. The artist was somebody called D. Alexander Gregory. She would have quite the bone to pick with him if they ever met. Her thighs were definitely not that fat. Chandra shook her head and put the cards back in the box. She walked over to the table and put the box back, simultaneously picking up the one next to it. Her fingers forced the lid open and picked out the first card.

It was Jace.

Her feet drove her back to the bed and she flopped down, still staring at Jace's face. Her mind swam lazily on the river of memories. When was the last time he'd fought her? Too long for her to remember at least. If she couldn't remember, then the chances Jace could were slim, memory adept or not. D. Alexander Gregory made this one, too. Chandra peered closer at his hair. It was some kind of spiky job that made him look like he got electrocuted somewhere.

"So, is he real too?" The mattress drooped on one side and she found Adeli next to her. "Undoubtedly so."

"You miss him, don't you?"

"No."

"Then why were you staring at his card for the past twenty minutes?" Chandra swore inwardly. "Never mind, it's obvious that you miss him anyway." Adeli laughed and bounced off the bed towards the table. "What're you doing?"

"Getting another deck."

"What for?" Adeli laughed. "Tomorrow's a national holiday, and the day after that is free day for fourth year students. So I'll be here all day with no one to play Magic with."

"I'm not playing."

"I'll cook real food for you." Ceros padded into the room and sat next to the teen. Chandra said nothing and took out the rest of the cards. After all, Adeli did say she'd make real food.

* * *

_Thursday morning_

_Chandra's a kicker. Kicked my ass from the bed to the door in her sleep. If it weren't so cold here at night I'd make her take the sofa. She's a halfway decent Magic player, but I guess that's to be expected. She IS a planeswalker after all. There'll be a tournament on Saturday. Small scale, on campus only. Maybe I ought to drag her along. It'll be a good change of atmosphere, and Ceros can rest easy knowing he won't be roasted._

* * *

Coming to you live from my old laptop. New laptop has some windows 8 issues. It's nasty. *le shotgun BANG*


	3. Chapter 3

"It's cold in here."

"This place is called a 'mall'. It's supposed to be cold in here." Chandra rolled her eyes and went back to sipping her 'hot chocolate'. Some of the other planes had chocolate, but nobody ever thought of melting it down to drink. She was starting to like it here even more now. "Where did you say we were going again?"

"A few rounds of card-buying, then a movie."

"Moo-vie?" Adeli laughed again. "You'll see when we get there." She pulled Chandra towards a shop called Courtside, ignoring the stares from the nearly-all-male population of customers. "Oi. You're back." The shopkeeper shot them a look from what looked like a spellbook. "Yep. Brought a friend over. This is-" The teen thought for a minute. "Cyn." The shopkeeper gave her a nod and turned back to Adeli. "She play too?"

"Yeah, she just started yesterday. She's halfway decent."

"I beat you twice-"

"HALFWAY DECENT." The shopkeeper laughed at both of them while saying something about arguing being a sign of closeness. "Whatever. You have anything from Type 1?" He grunted and plopped another massive spellbook thing on the counter. Adeli muttered a thank you and flipped through the pages. Chandra propped an elbow on the counter. "What do you call that thing?" she asked, poking at the spellbook thing. "A binder. It holds cards." The teen went on flipping through the pages, picking out a card or two. "'Havengul Vampire'?"

"Uh huh. I need it for my Vampire deck."

"You're making another?"

"Nah, just improving on an old one. Hey, Leon, got Type 2?" The shopkeeper plopped another and she started flipping through that too. "How much was that last one?"

"Two hundred."

"You're spending two hundred on a piece of cardboard?" Adeli turned a shocked face toward her. "It is not just a piece of cardboard." She held it up for her to read: _Stormkirk_ _Noble_. "It has protection from humans and low mana cost. Trust me, two hundred's a very good price." Chandra rolled her eyes again and looked around the shop while her friend and guide pored over the 'binder'. The place apparently didn't just sell cards, there were shelves of figurines as big as her hand. Higher above, near the ceiling, were some boxes of figurines from something called 'Lord of the Rings'.

"Hey, Cyn." She turned to look. "You want anything?"

"No, just looking around. Who's that one?" The Firebrand gestured to a small scale woman figurine holding two weird finger things. "Oh her. She's Revy. She's from an anime."

"Annie-may?"

"Anime. It's the Japanese version of Western cartoons."

"Japanese? Western?" People were starting to look at them now. "I'll explain later," said Adeli, handing over the money. "Do you want her?" Before Chandra could protest, Adeli had already started interrogating the Leon person on the price.

"-a thousand five hundred?! Is it even original?! The paint's chipping on the sides!"

"It's original, kiddo, and the paint's not chipping. I can give it to you for a thou, since you're my favorite customer."

"No way Leon, you just got five hundred from me a few seconds ago. I'll give you five hundred."

"Eight hundred."

"Five hundred, Leon."

"Okay, how about this: you let me fight her-" Leon tossed his head in Chandra's direction. "If she wins, you get it free. I win, you pay full price for it if you're still goin to buy it." Adeli was silent, but glaring daggers at the shopkeeper. Chandra looked around. The other customers were staring. She just got challenged.

Chandra Nalaar had always loved challenges.

"I'll do it." Adeli started to protest, but she shushed her. "Come on, I beat you twice."

"This is different! Leon's been playing for years! You just started yesterday!"

"Just give me the blue deck.I know you have it on you." Adeli groaned and handed it over. Leon hopped over the counter and set up the tables. "It'll be fun making you beg for mercy." he said when Chandra sat down.

* * *

Five minutes later, they were heading toward the part of the mall Adeli called a 'movie theater', the Revy figurine given a place of honor in Adeli's bag. "You got lucky," the teen was saying. "I'm just that good," replied the Firebrand.

"Just that good with Jace?"

"Want me to shove some flames up your ass?"

"You do that and I'll turn up the AC and keep the blankets for myself."

"AC?"

"Later. Now, what movie do you want?" Chandra looked up at the board. Names like _The Matrix_, _Pulp Fiction, _Kill Bill Vol. 1_, and Mononoke Hime_ paraded across her line of vision. "What's that one?" Adeli looked in the direction of her finger.

"'Twilight'? Okay, sweetie, I know you're not from here, but-"

"Not that. That one over there, the 'My Sassy Girl'."

"Well, it's romcom, you sure?"

"What's romcom?"

"Romantic comedy." Adeli peered at her friend's face. "Oh. OH. You really want to don't you? Well come on." The Firebrand felt a force of impish energy pulling her towards a counter. "You know, that Pulp Fiction one looks pretty good too-"

"Oh no ya don't. You said My Sassy Girl, now you're going to get My Sassy Girl." The lady at the counter handed them their tickets and Chandra felt herself flying towards another counter for what Adeli called 'popcorn'.

* * *

_Thursday night_

_Sat through My Sassy Girl with Chandra today. She doesn't say anything, but I think she liked it. I figured she'd kill me for calling her 'Cyn' earlier, but since she didn't say anything I guess we're cool on that. She beat Leon pretty good, too. She pulled out Jace and his phantasms early game, fuckin' lucky bitch. She's been playing with the Revy figurine ever since we came back. Keeps asking what guns are and how they work. Maybe I'll pull out my anime collection tomorrow. My Black Lagoon stash ought to be in there somewhere._

_Eh. I'm starting to sound like i like having her around. Ceros definitely doesn't though._

* * *

Two chapters in a day. I am on a roll~


	4. Chapter 4

Another letter summoning her to the principal's office next Monday. She couldn't even remember breaking- oh right. When she first saved Chandra from the mob she blew a column of fire up into the tree. She must have burned a branch or two. Never mind, she could always just say it wasn't her. A lot of things that happened at school were her doing, but nobody could ever pin a thing on her. Like the time she exposed one of the teachers for sexual harassment. He was fired, and the boys of the school were unbelievably grateful, but the administration wasn't very delighted with the news.

They of course rooted her out, but those very grateful boys vouched for her and said she was hooting a film for the project with them. Nice guys. Adeli ignored the letter and dumped it on her desk next to the figurines of Rock and Revy. The Rock figurine was new, the two got it as a prize for a small time game at Neutralgrounds earlier that day. Chandra was still hogging the bathroom and all the hot water. For a girl so, not girly, it was always weird how she could stay in the shower for hours at a time. Or at least until the hot water ran out.

"Hey. What's with that look?" Chandra paced into the room in her underwear and a towel draped around her neck. That never seemed to bother Adeli either. They were both girls, and in the few days that they'd been housemates they were pretty much used to each other's presence. "Nothing. It's just some letter from school." The Firebrand paid no attention and picked up the letter to read. "Looks like you're in trouble."

"I'm always in trouble. No big deal."

"Like me I guess. I just make being bad look good." The teen snorted and deposited herself on the bed. "Hey."

"Hmm?"

"Remind me again how you got here."

"I planeswalked here."

"Very nice explanation."

"I didn't like hanging around goblins anymore, and after I pissed off Gideon again I thought it'd be good for me to be somewhere else."

"And now you can't go back yet, right?" Chandra turned to face her bed mate. "What was that? Did Adeli just sound like she liked having me around?" Adeli said nothing and turned up the air conditioning.

* * *

The Firebrand looked at the 'digital' clock Adeli kept on the bedside table. One in the morning. She yawned and got up, careful not to wake the teen. A few steps took her to the kitchen to see what Adeli had around for food. Something mewed from near her feet. "Hi Ceros," she greeted the feline. It made a noise that sounded a bit more derogatory for a cat. "You're still angry with me, aren't you?" Another derogatory sound. Chandra shrugged and looked around inside the refrigerator. A few minutes of pushing aside containers revealed a can of tuna. Ceros meowed again, a little less derogatory this time. "What, do you want any?" She held it down for him to sniff. He sniffed quickly, then ran off in the opposite direction.

Chandra rose and sniffed it. It smelled fine to her. She got a fork and speared a piece with it. It tasted fine too. She shrugged and emptied the can, then went back to sleep.

* * *

Adeli woke up alone.

"The hell..." The clock read seven-thirty. She got up and stretched. No sign of Chandra. She shrugged it off. She was probably showering again. The teen padded out into the kitchen. It smelled somehow...acidic. Like someone had a very bad hangover and emptied the contents of their stomach onto the floor. The refrigerator door was open, Ceros sitting in the light. "What are you doing there?" she asked her cat, bending over to pick him up. He meowed but didn't move. "Are you hungry?" Ceros meowed again and trotted off toward the bathroom. Adeli shrugged and got some chicken out and scooped it into a pan.

The stomach acid smell was getting stronger. Maybe some drunks were barfing outside. Ceros meowed urgently. "Ceros, if you're hungry then get in here so I can give you something!" The meowing went on. Adeli turned the stove off and stalked towards the bathroom. "Ceros, I swear, if you shat the carpet again- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CHANDRA?! MY GOD!"

* * *

"Look, it's called an 'expiration date'." The teen held up the bottom of the can of tuna from the night before. It had expired two weeks ago. "It tells you whether you can still eat the stuff inside. If you get past the date, you can't eat it."

"You could've told me that before I ate it," muttered Chandra, still a little green. Adeli had found her puking her guts out with her face halfway into the toilet. Ceros meowed again, happily snuggling into Chandra's stomach. "You didn't give Ceros any of it did you?"

"He didn't want any. He sniffed it once then ran off." The teen started stiriing some powder into a glass of water. "The cat didn't eat it, so why did you?"

"It's smelled fine to me. It tasted fine to me. So why not?"

"God, I'm starting to wonder how you managed to live this long." Adeli plunked the glass on the table. "Drink it." Chandra looked it over. It was orange. "What for?"

"You have to get your water back somehow."

"That's water?"

"Juice. It'll do." She sighed and chugged it down. "Alright. Here." Adeli tossed her something called a... "Sneakers?"

"Snickers. Trust me, you'll feel better."

* * *

_Saturday night_

_My chocolate stores are running low. So not giving Chandra any more chocolate. The barf this time around smelled worse than the tuna. Ceros likes her now; he's been following her around all day, even to the bathroom. I better get ready for the tournament tomorrow. If Chandra's still barfing I might have to skip, but no harm in preparing right? Who knows, maybe Xin'll be there._

* * *

_I am SO on a roll. XD_


	5. Chapter 5

_Sunday morning_

_Rain is falling. Shed some cover, share some skin. Exactly what Chandra wasn't doing last night. I woke up freezing and rolled over into a blanket cocoon. I asked if she wanted to come to the tournament, she said no. She's doing better now, no more barfing, but she's still a little woozy. Better let her sleep. I won't be gone very long, she can handle herself for five hours. She can hug Ceros if she's lonely, har har._

* * *

She heard her name from across the room. "Move over, Mason." Adeli parked herself next to her cousin and classmate. "Glad you could make it. I was starting to think you hadn't gotten the memo about the reschedule." Adeli smirked and placed her newly-improved black/red Vampire deck on the table. "I paid a solid hundred and twenty registration fee for this. How could I not know?" they laughed and talked about trivial things with their friends while waiting for the tournament to start. There were the twins Kiril and Lee talking about how they sprayed graffiti across the principal's office the day before, Liam who was pretty much their sponsor since he fed them all the time. There was just one person missing.

"Where's Xin?" she asked. "Probably on the way here right now. You're always looking for-"

"Am not."

"Don't deny it, Addie." Kiril called to her. "You're always looking for Xin." Lee finished. Adeli gave them both the finger and went back to reshuffling her deck. "The tournament is about to begin," The speaker's voice blared over the noise from the crowd. "First match: Mason Avery vs. Darren Fowley!"

* * *

Chandra untangled herself from her blanket cocoon. Ceros was waiting at the foot of the bed. "Did Adeli go already?" she asked him. He meowed in reply. "Great, now I have to feed you." The cat circled her legs as if to say, _'I know you love me'._ She sighed and got up to go to the kitchen. Surprisingly, there was some pizza in the microwave with a note from Adeli telling her that she wasn't supposed to move around too much or she'd start barfing again. "Perfect. She's warming up to me." Chandra picked up the feline who immediately purred his approval of her warmth. "Right, Ceros?"

He mewed.

* * *

"Damn, he was tough," muttered Kiril after the tag team battle. "The chick was easy to beat down, but somehow after she left the game he got harder to beat." Lee said, putting his cards back in the deck box. Adeli nodded understandingly and handed them both Cokes. "Next match: Adeli Cyrus vs. Hikaru Xin!" Ason elbowed her in the ribs. "Go kick some ass, cousin." Adeli smirked at him. "I plan to." She made her way to the table in the center of the room. "Nice to see you again." Xin said, pouring her deck into her waiting palm.

"Not as good as it is to see you." Adeli won the the right to the first move and put down a Swamp. "When was the last time I saw you again?" Xin asked, laying down a Forest and tapping it to summon Llanowar Elves.

"A month ago." Chandra's roommate put down a Mountain and summoned a Crimson Muckwader. The girl across her smirked, tapped Llanowar for mana and summoned a Disciple of the Old Ways. Adeli looked at her hand. She would have to save summoning her Erdwal Ripper for the next turn. She put down another Mountain and summoned another Crimson Muckwader, all the while looking over at her competition. Pure black hair that curled a little at the ends, eyes that betrayed an aura of mischief. The other girl put put down a Gruul Guildgate then set her creatures on her. Adeli let her have the three points off her life points, knowing very well that Xin played dangerously, without a Fog to her name.

Xin was many things. And most of the time, she was just a little bit overconfident.

She put down another Swamp and summoned her Erdwal Ripper, taking advantage of it's haste and setting it to attack along with her Crimson Muckwaders. Seven points down, with a +1/+1 counter on Erdwal Ripper for combat damage dealt to the player. This was going to be very interesting.

* * *

"You didn't tell me your mistress had these, Ceros." The cat yawned, paying no attention to her. Chandra was enjoying herself. None of the planes she'd ever been to had books that were this... graphic. She found them under a stack of Adeli's clothes. They were labelled 'DO NOT READ', so what else could she do but read them, right?

"Damn, is she taking it up the ass?" the Firebrand asked Ceros, showing him the picture. The cat only yawned again. She would definitely lord it over her once she got home.

* * *

"Why don't you just give up?" Xin asked Adeli with a grin. The tide had turned in her favor, her Matca Rioters pumped up to 10/10 and Adeli only having a pitiful Child of Night to defend herself with. Their life points were even at 2-2. "Well?" she asked again. Adeli said nothing, her eyes still glaring daggers at her. "If that's the case..." Xin had her Matca Rioters attack her opponent full force then got up to go.

And yet Adeli smiled. Then laughed. "What are you laughing at?" Xin asked her. "You just lost." the teen replied, gesturing to the table. Xin bent to look. Adeli's Child of Night was tapped, but not to defend.

And a Murder was laughing at her from on top of her Matca Rioters.

* * *

"So how did it go?" Chandra asked after letting her housemate in. "Pretty good. Second place is acceptable, the last guy got lucky and trumped me in three moves with a Battle of Wits deck." The Firebrand shook her head and pretended to understand what the teen said. "I was reading your book," she said, following Adeli into the room they shared.

"What book?"

"GM Rimix." The teen froze and Chandra laughed. "I didn't think you were one for that." Adeli grinned like an imp and turned up the air conditioning full blast.

* * *

_Sunday night_

_Chandra found my pr0n. Dammit. Oh well, at least she didn't find the rest._

* * *

Wheeeeeee, I'm lovin' it~


	6. Chapter 6

"MISS CYRUS!" Adeli glanced up from her book. "Yes, ma'am?"

"If you would be so kind as to explain the concept of Schrodinger's cat in the simplest terms possible instead of burying your nose in another," Her physics teacher looked disdainfully at her Catwoman comic book. "...'comic book'." The teen stood up and began in her most official sounding voice:

"The easiest explanation for it is that Schrodinger put a cat in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break at an unspecified time and closed the lid. Until the lid is opened again the cat can be considered as both alive and dead." She sat back down, daring her to ask another question. No more came. "Damn, Addie, someday she's going to tell the admins about you." Kiril whispered from behind her.

"I'll be fine, they don't have anything to pin on me anyway," she replied, poking her nose back into the book to see what Catwoman was doing. Mason shook his head, still taking notes. "Seriously, Addie. You gotta watch yourself-"

"MR. AVERY. Care to share your story with the class?"

"No, ma'am, it wouldn't be as interesting as whatever you're talking about." Mason replied with a winning smile. "Well, Mr. Avery, since you and Miss Cyrus are just so sociable, you two can show around the substitute teacher while I'm at the conference in the province." Mason nodded agreement with that same winning smile and Adeli rolled her eyes. "Now, students, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Jason Blake." The teen nearly ripped her comic book in half at the sight of her new substitute teacher.

Same brooding look, the air of intelligence mixed with a little arrogance, hair that was more curly than spiky... There was no way she could ever mistake him for someone else. After all, she did spend a considerable time staring at his card whenever she dueled Chandra at home.

And if her knowledge of Chandra's history made any difference, Adeli had a feeling the wanted Firebrand wouldn't take kindly to the fact that Jace Beleren was her new physics substitute.

* * *

_Monday afternoon_

_Jace is here. I have no idea why. Why the fuck are planeswalkers popping up out of nowhere? Who's next, Liliana Vess? Dammit, if she comes here it's going to be a hell of a party. Either way, it doesn't seem like he's going to be causing any trouble-_

* * *

"Miss Cyrus." Adeli looked up from her log book. "Yes, sir?"

"Might I see you after class?" Adeli nodded consent and the mind mage went back to explaining how to draw the path of rays reflecting off a concave mirror. Majority of her classmates were either sleeping or furiously writing down every word into their notebooks. Apparently, Mr. Bele - Blake wasn't one for writing down notes on the board.

* * *

_Dammit, he must've read my mind. He's probably looking for Chandra again. I don't know whether I ought to tease her about it or warn her that Jace is here. I'll figure something out._

* * *

The Firebrand opened the door to see a dripping wet teenager with a semi-conscious man draped over her shoulder. "He's a little heavy, mind helping?" Adeli asked.

"Is this Jace?! The fuck is he doing here?!" Chandra practically yelled. "How the hell am I supposed to know?! He followed me home!"

"Then why the hell is he passing out?!"

"I'll explain later, just fucking help me before someone sees." The two half-dragged, half-walked Jace to the sofa. Adeli rushed to her father's room and got a fresh shirt. "Strip him."

"I'm not stripping Jace. You do it."

"We can't have him getting hypothermia, just do it." said the teen, practically ripping the mind mage's shirt off. "Can't I just blast him with a few flames?" Chandra asked, fumbling with the belt. "Come on, you're how much older than me and you've never taken anyone's clothes off?" They managed to get the shirt on and the pants off. "Alright, you're older, you change his shorts." Adeli handed her a pair of striped boxers. "Are you insane?! Since when does being older make me responsible for his shorts?"

"I've never stripped a guy-"

"Perfect time for you to learn-"

"-and I'm not starting now!" The two stared at each other, then at the unconscious Jace. "Fine. We both do it. On three." mumbled Adeli, closing one eye and grabbing the waistband of the mind mage's Ravnican underwear. "What, you scared, Addie?"

"Fuck no. 'sides, I know you just want to look at it."

"Fuck you bitch." muttered Chandra, grabbing the other side of his shorts. "I'm not Liliana. I don't bed every man I meet."

"Hey, she can't be that much of a nympho. On three."

"Nympho?"

"LATER. On three. One, two.." They simultaneously pulled down Jace's sopping wet shorts. "THREE!"

The silence that pervaded the room was so thick you could have drowned in it. The two girls stared openly at it. "Addie..."

"What?"

"No wonder Lili's so hyped over him."

* * *

_Monday night_

_Apparently Jace is living with us now, too. We rolled him into Dad's bed. God, it's fucking awkward. Chandra hasn't said a word since a while ago, she just holds on to Ceros. He doesn't mind, though he did cry a little when her hair nearly burned him. My God, it's seriously awkward. Memory boy better not say anything tomorrow._

* * *

Heya. Just read the MTG webcomic yesterday. So pro. So much win. Chandra so pro. Chandra got so much win. I weanted to read about how she got her planeswalker spark, but they didn't have it on the site. Boohoo. Did I mention how awesome Chandra was when she battled Jace? XD

*bang*


	7. Chapter 7

_Monday/Tuesday mornight_

_There's a storm coming. Classes are suspended for now. I guess it's better this way. I'll have to keep Chandra inside, rain might put her hair out._

* * *

"Is this supposed to be my hair?" Jace asked, peering at his card. "Apparently," muttered the Firebrand, holding her hand out for the card. "Don't be so hurt, they made my thighs look fat."

"Aren't they really fat to begin wit-"

"I'LL MAUL YOU, MIND MAGE!"

"WOULD YOU TWO KEEP IT DOWN?!" Adeli yelled into the living room. Chandra's hair calmed down to little flames at the tip of her ponytail. The mind mage smirked and drew another card. "Take this - get out of my head, Jace." The teen snickered at that.

"I was never in your head to begin with." Jace laughed, slapping an Outwit down on the table. The flames on the Firebrand's ponytail threatened to burst. Adeli shook her head and went back to her essay. She'd always hated essays.

"Meow." Ceros circled her leg. "Hi, sweetie." The teen picked up the cat and set him in her lap. He purred. "Got tired of watching the lovers' quarrel?" she asked jokingly. Ceros didn't say anything; just burrowed into her lap. "Yeah, I guess it's a little too cold, even with Chandra around."

"What are you writing about?" asked a voice. "Nothing you don't know about, Jace." The mind mage flopped onto her bed and she nearly laughed. There was still a little kid under all that brooding. "Why are you writing about sex?"

"That's not something to ask a girl, Beleren." Chandra said, parking herself on the desk. She grabbed the paper from under Adeli's nose. She let her have it; she wouldn't risk having her burn it after all the time she'd spent on it so far. "It's our argument for the debate next week."Adeli said. The Firebrand nodded and read: "'The use of contraceptives such as condoms and birth control pills are sure to help decrease the rate of population growth in the country.'" Chandra looked at her. "I didn't know you had pills for that here. Usually you just see potions or drinks."

"What's a condom?" The two looked incredulously at him. "You've been banging Liliana for how long and you never used one?!"

"Well sorry! Not my fault there aren't any 'condoms' on Ravnica. And I haven't 'banged' her in ages. I've barely seen her. Seriously, what's a condom?" The girls looked at each other. "Whadaya think Addie? We could get him one somewhere. Knowing him, he'll probably just study it-"

"You nuts? I don't think he'd fit into any of the sizes. 'sides, they won't sell to a minor."

"Who said he had to fit in it? And I said 'we'. You go with me, I'll buy it."

"I guess it'd work. You look nineteen at least-"

"Well thank you."

"But knowing you, you'd probably burn the place down then walk away with it. I don't want a jail record."

"Nobody said I was going to blow the place up-" Jace sighed and went out to find one himself after reading Adeli's mind to see where he could get it.

* * *

The youngest occupant of the house woke up first after the late afternoon nap, Chandra still snoring lightly on the pillow next to her. Adeli stretched and looked at the clock, then got up to go find something to eat before six. A few years ago she'd found out that she was one of those girls who managed to get thinner by not eating after six. She'd lost most of her puppy fat that way, but even though she was satisfied with the way she looked now in general she still couldn't shake the habit.

Ceros got up from his place near the table and padded over to the teen. She petted him once and peeked into the fridge.

In all the time she'd spent playing Magic, she already knew how hard Jace's Phantasm's could hit after ten cards found their way into her graveyard. But nobody ever told her how cold they could be when they brushed past you. The ghost of aether flew past her toward the bathroom. Adeli didn't feel at all like following it. "You could have told me there was something in there, Ceros," she muttered. The cat only purred again and wrapped himself around her leg. The teen sighed and made to go back to the room and cling to Chandra in an attempt to raise her body temperature when...

"Fascinating." The mind mage's voice was audible through the wall separating her room from the bathroom. She put an ear to the wall to listen. There wasn't anything that sounded like a man furiously fapping so she thought she'd leave him alone. "Hmm, interesting..." Adeli's curiosity got the better of her and she went to knock on the door. "Jace? What are you doing in there-"

"Adeli! These condom things are wonderful!" Jace exclaimed. He reminded her of Mason after he figured out how to put in batteries properly. "Uh, what is that?" she asked, pointing gingerly at the condom he was holding.

"A condom with some of my essence in it."

"Why is your 'essence' in it? And why is it blue?"

"I mixed some of my magic with aether. Maybe if I give it a little time and put a few more spells on it, I might be able to create a new phantasm!"

"So that blue stuff in the-" Adeli forced herself to say it without making a face. "-condom, is just your magic mixed with aether?"

"Yes." he replied, completely oblivious to what the teen was thinking. He was so hyped up over his discovery that he didn't bother reading her mind. "And you can make a new phantasm out of that stuff?"

"Yes."

"Couldn't you have put it in a jar like a regular wizard?"

"I'm not a wizard. I'm a planeswalker." Adeli stared at him, then the at the condom. "Oh, sweetie, the buses definitely don't go where you live."

* * *

_Tuesday night_

_Jace went out and bought two whole bags of condoms. I don't mean bags like those tiny plastic wrappers they come in. I mean like SHOPPING bags. He was really excited about the fact that condoms came with flavors. Chandra nearly fried him when he tried to taste one. For a planeswalker prodigy, Jace is really stupid sometimes._

* * *

'sup? You guys having fun with the story so far? I read over the whole thing again, and I thought the jokes were forced. I'll work on that a little more. See you. XD


	8. Chapter 8

Chandra shuffled around the house feeling like the inside of a Zendikar volcano. Adeli was off at school and she was stuck there with Jace. The two hadn't spoken the whole morning, only seeing each other in the event that they just happened to travel to the fridge for food at the same time. She didn't know about Jace, but she definitely wasn't feeling good. The food she'd eaten so far was fine; she'd tested it on Ceros. "Fever isn't a side effect of eating bad food right?" the Firebrand asked Ceros when he padded into the room. He meowed his concern, tilting his head to one side in a way that reminded her dimly of one of the twins who'd led her through Zendikar.

Or at least tried to.

What was her name again? Those two really had treated her like one of the family.

Ceros meowed again. Chandra didn't feel well enough to feed him. "Feeling a little feverish, Nalaar?"

"Go away, mind mage."

"I _can_ help you a little. Something cold on your head ought to help." said Jace. Chandra tried to growl at him, but what came out sounded more like a purr than a growl. "Suit yourself." The mind mage walked back toward the bathroom where he was conducting his aether experiments. The Firebrand sighed and buried her face in the pillow. She dreamed a little about trivial things, then she dreamed of things she wouldn't remember when she woke up.

* * *

_"What're you doing Adeli?"_

_"Reading the Magic webcomic."_

_"I'll pretend I know what that is."_

_"It's like a book or a scroll, but with more pictures than words."_

_"Is that one there supposed to be me?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"How did they know that I'd been to Zendikar?"_

_"You're the planeswalker, you've been everywhere. You tell me."_

_"And is that Jace?"_

_"Yeah. You haven't been talking to him ever since he bought those condoms."_

_"I have spoken to him."_

_"Asking him to pass the salt doesn't count. Besides, he read your mind and passed it to you before you could ask."_

_"Huh."_

_"Is Zendikar really as dangerous as they say?"_

_"Very. That's what makes it exciting."_

_"Is Sarkhan Vol still crazy?"_

_"I don't know. I don't care about that old coot."_

_"But you do care about Jace."_

_"You say that one more time and I'll burn your face off."_

_"Then do it. And explain why when Dad gets back."_

_"Why I ought to-"_

_"But seriously. You care about him, even just a little. I can see it."_

_"Prove it then. Give me one valid proof."_

_"Remember when you two had to fight Sarkhan Vol?"_

_"Yes."_

_"He somehow lost his magic that time. You could have left him there,but you didn't."_

_"And what does that prove? You did the same thing with me."_

_"I did it because I felt that I couldn't just let them mob you. Why didn't you just leave Jace there then planeswalk away?"_

_"Because-"_

* * *

The edges of the condom were stretched around the lips of the glass that he got from the kitchen. The aether inside it was dormant, unresponsive to any spell that he made. Jace sighed and released the aether, then threw out the condom. For some reason, his magic just wasn't at its top form. The mind mage fixed the room and looked at himself in the mirror above the sink.

"My hair doesn't look like that. I swear on all the aether there is. My hair isn't that spiky." Jace tweaked the strand that hung down on his forehead. He didn't like the way it looked either. Groaning, he rumpled his hair and strode out of the bathroom towards Adeli's father's room. The door to the teen's room was open, showing Chandra lying down on the bed, her face buried in the pillow. Jace stopped a minute to look her over. He'd heard Chandra's thoughts when she entered the room, and heard some parts of her dream as well. He did wonder about it himself in his spare time.

If he had any at all.

Why _did_ she save him anyway? He put the thought out of his mind and walked back to his current room.

* * *

_"'old flame'? I am Chandra Nalaar, NOT his old flame."_

_"Alright, alright, take it easy."_

_"It was Liliana he was always so crazy about."_

_"Do you sound bitter?"_

_"Is that a smudge on your cheek? Let me burn it off for you."_

_"What's Liliana really like?"_

_"Exactly what this webcomic says she is. I remember passing by her once, I forget where. She looked better than the picture."_

_"Did she really sell Jace out?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Did she ever really love him?"_

_"From what I hear when I'm in Ravnica, she did."_

* * *

Jace lay staring at the ceiling. He glanced at the clock. One in the afternoon. Adeli wouldn't be back for another four hours. He rolled over on the bed and stared at the wall. He was hearing Chandra's dream - apparently the Firebrand dreamed in tongues - and he was starting to sense something. He had his finger on it, but he just couldn't tell what it was.

"Why am I even listening?" he asked himself. Something scratched at the door. Jace sat up and had a simple phantasm open it. Ceros squeezed through the crack and jumped on the bed. "Are you allowed on the bed?" Jace asked the feline. The cat didn't make any comment, swishing his tail from left to right. "What do you mean, I have to go check on her? She's used to heat, a little fever won't hurt her." Ceros stared at him.

"I'm telling you, she'll be fine." Yellow eyes stared unblinkingly at him. "Fine, but if she punches me in the face or burns the house down, I'm telling Adeli that it was you." Ceros yawned, then jumped off the bed and squeezed back out the way he came. Jace riffled around in the drawer to look for a towel. Sighing, he rolled it in his hand and made for the bathroom.

* * *

_"So, when you planeswalk off to wherever, you won't be coming back will you?_

_"Do you sound like you're going to miss me? I feel very honored."_

_"Bitch."_

_"Aha, so you will miss me. Nobody to warm your bed at night."_

_"You really have a way of making things sound dirty Chandra, you know that?"_

_"Of course I do."_

_"Hmph. Don't you dare come back, Nalaar."_

_"As if I'd ever come back to see you, Cyrus."_

* * *

_Wednesday night_

_Chandra's got a fever. Jace let me in. I get the feeling he's been slapping wet towels on her head the whole day. Didn't think the famed Firebrand would catch a fever. She's got a fever that's so hard to bear, Jace gave her fever, wahaha. I'll just give him a pill to give to her when she wakes up along with some instructions. I think he did some kind of mind wipe; nobody at school remembers he was even there except me. Not even Madam remembers asking him to substitute for her. I ought to ask him about that. But for now, I think I'll let the two soulbond._

_Xin switched electives. Now we're in the same room together and... dammit. I don't even know what to think anymore. She's just got something. Do I swing both ways?_

_Woah-oh, there's Dr. Beleren. Chandra's up and says her head hurts. I better play nurse for now then leave the patient alone for the night with the good doctor._

* * *

One last chapter before I go to sleep. You guys have fun. XD


	9. Chapter 9

"Fuck, it's cold." Chandra shivered under the two blankets Adeli wrapped her in. It was still raining, and though the teen turned off all the air conditioning in the house and gave strict orders not to let her anywhere near the refrigerator, she was still freezing cold. Ceros meowed and sniffed at her exposed face. "Hello to you too. What time is it?" The cat moved to let her see the time. Noon.

_This has GOT to be the only plane I know that feels cold at noon, _Chandra thought. She tried to sit up, but her head felt like stone. "Might you be feeling any better, Nalaar?" Jace asked, gently kicking the door open, a bowl of soup still steaming hot on a tray. "I didn't think that after everything you and I have been through yo'd be the one to nurse me back to health."

"Don't be so full of yourself. If Adeli were here, you'd be seeing more of her than me. " The memory adept set the tray down on the nightstand and reached out his arms. "What, do you want a hug or something?"

"Just grab my arms and sit up. You have to eat something." Chandra rolled her eyes and reached out for him, trying not to look too feeble. Jace picked up the bowl. "Oh, isn't this nice. One of Ravnica's finest mages spoon-feeding me like a baby."

"It's only until Adeli comes back. So be quiet and drink your soup." The Firebrand rolled her eyes again and took the bowl from him. "Why are you even here, Beleren?"

"That's my business-"

"Liliana's here, isn't she?"

"No. Why would I look for her?" asked the memory adept before lying down. There was plenty of truth in that. Liliana obviously had plans that didn't include him, and no matter what plane he went to or what he did he couldn't ever find her, and if he did, she would never stay for long. So what was the point of looking for her? The Firebrand huffed and brought her soup to a boil. Jace vaguely remembered the last time Adeli gave Chandra soup...

* * *

_"Hot enough for you _now_, Your Majesty?"_

_"Did you even see the fire when you heated this?"_

* * *

"Because you still haven't gotten her out of your head yet. Are you sure you're a prodigy?" muttered Chandra between spoonfuls. The mind mage covered his eyes with his arm. "She's not in my head."

"Of course she is. I can see it, Adeli can see it, _everybody_ can see it."

"Would you stop it?" The flames on Chandra's ponytail flickered. "What are you going to do, Beleren? Make me remember?"

"Maybe," he snarled back. "If I do so, you might be quiet for the remainder of the day."

"You can try. You can just try." The soup was boiling wildly now. "We'll see if your hair looks good in red and yellow. Maybe then Liliana might come back on her own."

And Jace lost it. He invaded her mind at the exact second that she blasted the bowl, soup and all, into his face. What he saw besides her usual memories, he wasn't likely to forget.

* * *

__"Guys, I'm home!"Adeli yelled from the door. The house was strangely quiet; no TV, no toilet flushing, nothing. The door opened seemingly by itself and she saw Ceros on the floor looking at her. "Hey. What's wrong?" His meow seemed sad. The teen followed him into the house. There weren't any burn marks or anything, so Chandra couldn't have burned Jace to a crisp while she was gone.

Or could she?

Adeli shook the thought out of her head. Ceros turned toward her room and meowed again. She put her ear to the door. Someone inside was crying. Well, not exactly crying. More like sniffing, the way little kids do when they've stubbed their toes or cut their fingers. Fingers gently pushed open the door. "Hello?" she called cautiously before entering. Chandra was still exactly the way she'd left her this morning, wrapped up in two layers of blanket. Jace was nowhere to be seen. "Hey..."

"What?" Adeli nearly flinched. The 'what' didn't sound at all like Chandra. Chandra never sounded like that. Chandra would never sound broken. "Damn, what happened to you?" The Firebrand curled up into a tighter ball. "Hey, come on, did you two fight? More than usual?"

"Go away, Addie."

"I can't go. This is my place," replied the teen, trying to get Chandra back to her old self. "Please. Just go." Ceros mewed. She knew better than to argue with Chandra's temper. Adeli sighed and tucked the blanket under the Firebrand's chin, then walked out. And shut the door.

The woman in blankets lay there a while before chucking a pillow at the door in frustration.

* * *

_Jace backed away from her. It was completely obvious that if he got anywhere near her she'd roast him. "Well?! You saw everything. Again. What do you have to say, Jace?!"_

_He couldn't say anything. He'd never thought it could work the other way. He knew it was possible; he just never witnessed it until now._

_"Answer me, Jace Beleren!"_

_She couldn't. Not him. _

_"I...I..."_

_"Use that oh-so-special brain of yours. Think of something good enough to say that won't make me do you in here and now!" A flame aura had formed around the Firebrand now. If that wasn't a sign that she was dead serious, nothing was._

_"What _am_ I supposed to say?!"_

_"Something! You know what," Her eyes were a little watery, from the heat of her flame or from her emotions he couldn't really say. "I don't need your words. Words never meant anything, anyway."_

_"But words _do_ mean something! The books-"_

_"GET THE FUCK OUT BELEREN!"_

* * *

The coffee was still hot when she sat down with her microwave pizza. Ceros had deposited himself next to it for warmth. It was raining. Adeli stared at her pizza.

Jace wasn't here. He'd left.

"Tch." she muttered. "'least he could've taken his damn condoms with him, wherever he is. Damn bastard." Ceros said nothing, but allowed himself to be petted.

* * *

_Thursday night_

_I don't know where Jace is. Chandra's in her room and she won't speak to me. Better give her the time, I guess. I'll just wait. I get the feeling I'd rather know what happened tomorrow._

* * *

__Just updated now, I'm sorry. Just a little sick, that's all. I'm better now, and ready to work. XD first and last chapter for the night though, mother dear wants me to at least try to sleep early. Oh well.

Bye. =))


	10. Chapter 10

The TV glared at her in the dark. "_Classes are once again suspended due to-"_ Adeli switched the damn thing off. It was lucky she didn't chuck a chair at it. "I know I ought to be happy that there isn't any school, but dammit are they going to be pouring the work on when we get back." Ceros mewed and followed his mistress back into the kitchen. Chandra was still moping in bed. Nothing the teen did or cooked managed to get her out of the rut. "You're a cat, Ceros." The feline mewed.

"Girls love cats." Another mew. "How 'bout you go in there and loosen her up for me?" Adeli didn't have to finish the sentence. Ceros was already trotting off to see the Firebrand.

* * *

"Myu." The Firebrand stared at the cat. He stared back at her before producing another inquiring mew. "What do you want, cat broad?" Another mew, a derogatory one this time. If cats could swear, that would probably be it. "Oh right, you're a guy." Ceros squeezed himself under her arm and sat next to her face. "Don't stare. It's not polite." muttered Chandra.

"You're the last person I'd expect to give a lecture on politeness." Chandra felt new warmth on her back and a form slumping over her. "Feel any better?"

"Meh."

"Aw, you're no fun today." No response from the wanted Firebrand. "I made your favorite noodles. They're hot this time around."

"Maybe later."

"Jace really mean that much to you?" Chandra didn't say anything. "Silence means yes on this plane, so here's what I think: You're hot."

"I'm only laughing because you can't make a worse pun than that."

"No, I'm serious. You're hot, smokin' hot. You can stand up for yourself, and people could feed you on your birthday and you'd be the happiest bitch alive. Right?" Chandra nodded, a little deflated for Adeli's taste, but that wouldn't be a problem in a while. "That's what's good about you. So far the only really bad thing you've got is that tempe - don't burn me or I'll turn up the AC - that temper."

"Now take Liliana. She's hot, old yeah, but hot. She's got all the guys - and some of the girls I think - running after her, but she never stops for any of them. Not even Jace. Between your temper and her libido, which do you think people would rather stick with?"

"Considering my temper, I'd take the libido."

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING. Anyway," Adeli bounced off the bed and pulled the blanket off. Chandra reluctantly sat up and stared at the beaming teenager. "If Jace insists on running after a chick with an insatiable libido and a world that doesn't include him, it's his problem. 'sides, when you think about it, Liliana couldn't ever be free like you." Chandra grinned a little. "Nobody could be free like me."

"Exactly. Now, are you going to eat your soba or not?"

* * *

Jace paced around the schoolyard. He'd managed to planeswalk back to Ravnica, but he'd forgotten the condoms. He scratched his chin thoughtfully. Where could one find 'latex' in Ravnica? But that wasn't important. What was important was that those condoms had his latest aether experiment that nearly worked.

Now if only the girls hadn't thrown them out yet.

* * *

"This is porn?" asked Chandra. "Uh huh. Well, not exactly. This is hentai. It's drawn porn. Gimme some of yours." said Adeli, reaching over for the soba. The Firebrand denied her access, sticking a forkful in her mouth. "But why?" The girl in the porno screamed in ecstasy.

"Why what?"

"Why watch it on this 'laptop' thing? Why not go out and find a prostitute?"

"Chlamydia."

"What's that?"

"You've never heard of chlamydia?"

"None of the planes I've been to have 'chlamydia'." said Chandra. She peered closer at the screen. "Is she taking it up the ass?"

"Sure is."

"She's taking that pink thing up her ass?"

"First of all, it's called a dildo. And yes, for the final time, she is taking it up the ass."

* * *

Jace stood in front of the door and knocked, hoping Chandra wouldn't answer it. He still hadn't gotten over what he'd seen in her head and-

"Mew." Ceros stared up at him. "Um, hello." Stare. "I was just coming to get my aether back." Ceros turned up his nose at him and stalked back to the kitchen. Jace let himself in, wondering how a cat had figured out how to use a knob. The door to Chandra and Adeli's room was open and the most... lewd sounds were coming from it. He decided to just walk forward to the bathroom, but something inside made him want to stop and stare.

* * *

"IKUUUUUUUUU~" The two girls stared at it. "It doesn't happen like that," said Chandra, picking at the remains of her soba. "Obviously." replied Adeli.

"You look like you're going to ask-"

"I never said that."

"No really, if you want to know how it looks I'm more than happy to-"

"NO THANK YO- It's you." Jace was frozen in the doorway. Chandra's eyes narrowed and the end of her ponytail blazed. "Well, uh..." Jace stuttered, looking for a plausible excuse. "My condoms-PTUI!" A hard-bound dictionary hit him square in the face and knocked him to the floor. A foot shut his air supply off and the mind mage stared up at Chandra Nalaar in full fury.

"You've got a lot of nerve coming back."

* * *

Hey. :)) relapses are total shit. Anyway, here's the aftermath of the Chandra/Jace emotional fight. Have fun, watch some pr0n. =))


	11. Chapter 11

"I...my...con...aeth...air..."

"You're a memory adept. Try remembering how breathing feels." Chandra's heel dug deeper into his chest. He saw Adeli propped up on her elbow, clearly enjoying the situation. "In fact," muttered the Firebrand, digging her heel even deeper into his chest cavity. "Try remembering what emotions are, you little bitch."

"I... better...wi...real...air..."

"Let him go, Chandra." said Adeli, pulling the drawer of the bedside table open and taking out a Swiss army knife. "Let's see if he's any good with words."

"What, are you going to cut them off?"

"Depends on him." said Adeli nonchalantly, as if she were used to hacking balls off. The Firebrand narrowed her eyes and removed her heel, but not before stomping on Jace's crotch. "I wanted to do that." muttered the teen. Chandra shrugged. "So, Beleren. Make me pity you enough to keep your balls." said Adeli, poking her fingertip with the knife. Jace gasped for air. "We're waiting."

"Give me...a damn...minute..."

"Well, every minute makes this knife sharper so..."

* * *

Jace woke up on his usual place on the sofa, his upper body covered with either scratches or burns. Whatever unharmed skin that was left was unbelievably itchy. He heard a meow and turned his head as much as he could in its direction. "Hello Ceros."

"Meow."

"They spared me this time, I see." The cat tilted his head to one side. "Or have they?" Ceros yawned, then trotted off to the kitchen. Jace sighed and sent a phantasm around the house. No sign of the two girls' energy anywhere. "And they've just left me here." He caught sight of a small can and a note on the coffee table. He could only reach out just enough to pick up the note.

_Off to go card-hunting. Feed Ceros. - A & C_

"Dammit."

* * *

"I think you went a little too far with him last night, Chandra." mused Adeli while walking around the mall. They'd just gotten two fresh booster packs and information on the next prerelease. "I didn't go _that_ far," muttered the planeswalker. "He's still alive isn't he?"

"Barely."

"Whatever." They stopped in front of Neutralgrounds. "If it's not here, I swear we'll go home after." said the teen.

"You're really going out of your way to find one card. And didn't we find the damn thing back at that Courtside place?"

"They're selling it for a bit more than I'd like, Nalaar. I'm just seeing if they'll sell it cheaper here."

"Funny, I don't remember you being this responsible with your funds." said the Firebrand, following Adeli into the store. The teen made a beeline for the counter as Chandra stood back to watch the current group playing. It looked different to her for a second, and she figured it must have been a different game. "That Magic?" she asked the pale and pasty one. "Well yeah -"

"My face is up here."

"-yes ma'am."

"Looks different."

"That's because we're playing EDH." volunteered another pale one, this time with what Adeli called "glasses". "It's a more social format."

"Format?"

"Yeah, you can play more cards in EDH unless they're restricted." Chandra nodded. This game was apparently more than it looked like. "Well, then what's this supposed to do?" she asked the one next to her. He had darker skin than the rest, and bigger eyes that suggested a deer about to be hit by an arrow. He nervously looked back down at his cards. "Sorry about him, he doesn't really speak to women." the one in glasses said.

"He doesn't speak to women? What about his mother?"

"He speaks to her, but sometimes he wishes he couldn't." The pale and pasty one slapped down a card and the planeswalker instantly recognized it. "Is that an Omniscience?" Pasty One nodded vigorously. "Free casting for me, it's great for my deck."

"Huh." Chandra walked over to Adeli at the counter. The teen in question was staring brokenly at her booster pack. "You bought another one or you opened one." said the Firebrand. Adeli nodded, eyes a little watery. Chandra looked the cards over.

"All Swamps. That's sad."

"I know."

"Did you buy this new one?"

"Nome. I opened the two." Chandra winced. Adeli had a binder stocked full of land cards back at home. And she'd splurged how much? "Nevermind, that's how life is. I'll try again when I get more money." They walked back past the trio playing cards. "Hey hot stuff, don't say you're going now." called the pasty one before the one with glasses could silence him. "What did you call me?" Chandra asked, little spots of flame starting to glow on her ponytail. "Nothing, ma'am." replied the pasty one.

"You know what, I think I'll teach you some manners." She turned to Adeli. "Oh no, Chandra, please. I don't have an ADH deck."

"It'll be fine. He looks like he can take on an Extended." The one in glasses pinched the bridge of his nose. "What, aren't you guys going to help me out? We're a team!" said the pasty one, pulling out another deck box. "We? Seriously, right now you are you and you are in some deep shit." replied Glasses. His deer-eyed friend nodded. Adeli sighed and handed Chandra her black-red Vampire and sat down to watch.

* * *

"What do you say?" asked Chandra as they walked into the house. Adeli sighed. "Thank you."

"Thank you for what? I can't hear you."

"I said-"

"THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK!" yelled a voice from the sofa. Adeli laughed and dragged Chandra into the kitchen to help make dinner, putting the Omniscience Chandra won on the coffee table.

* * *

I. Am. Delighted. I made new Magic-playing friends yesterday and they taught me about the EDH thing. It sounds like fun, though I'll have to hunt around for a good Commander. Maybe something blue-green-black. XD


	12. Chapter 12

"Well, to be completely honest, she didn't really win them." said Adeli while swabbing his scratches with another layer of Betadine. "Then how did she get that Omniscience? You keep going on about it being expensive." asked Jace.

"See, it's like this..."

* * *

_"HA! YEAH BITCH!" yelled the pasty fellow, pumping his fists in the air. His two other friends didn't dare get close. "Looks like you won. Not bad." said Chandra in an unnaturally calm, nonchalant tone. Adeli found herself inching toward the door. "YES YES I DID UH HUH IN YOUR FACE!"_

_"In _your_ face, you mean." replied the Firebrand, getting up and walking toward him. The teen scooped up her cards and retreated to the door. "What do you mean-"_

_"This is a reward," said Chandra, squeezing his face between her assets. She picked up the Omniscience and gestured at Adeli, all the while looking threateningly at the other two. They made no effort to stop her. "I like dis reward." the pasty guy said, obviously enjoying himself. "Yes, and now..." Chandra pulled away and ran out, dragging Adeli along with her and scattering Swamps across the floor._

* * *

The teen put a Band-aid on a scratch, finishing the patchwork that was Jace. "There."

"Thank you." Jace looked over his torso. "Hm. I expected something a bit more... destructive."

"I don't know what came over her either." replied Adeli, dumping the used cotton in the trash. Chandra had eaten an obscene amount of curry and was in their room sleeping it off. School would start up again tomorrow, so the teen found herself taking the time to bandage the memory adept up again. She knew pretty well that Chandra wouldn't. "Hey Jace, what is it with you and Chandra?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"She's really edgy around you now for some reason." Jace shrugged and winced. "Try not to move so much. And don't-"the teen started. Jace winced again and doubled over. "-lean back. The burns haven't completely dried yet."

"Right, right. But before I answer that, riddle me this: where is your father?" Adeli stopped midway to the kitchen. "You live off of the money he sends you while winning tournaments in between for prize money. You won't speak about your mother, and nobody else lives here but you, me and Chandra." Jace went on. "Who pays your bills? Who buys your food? Who pays for everything? I know you're a capable child-"

"I am not a child, Beleren." She sounded... dangerous.

"-teenager, young adult, whichever, but I know that even you can't handle being a complete adult just yet."

"Hm. I think I won't be needing an answer to my last question. Night." Adeli stalked off to her room.

* * *

"Alright, Beleren, what did you do this time?" asked Chandra wearily the minute the teen stepped out the door. "I may have gone through her head." he replied, picking at a scab. The Firebrand knocked his hand away. Considering how she nearly burned him to death, the two had gone partway back to their original standing with each other. "And what did you see?"

"Her father, who is hiding out somewhere."

"What, is she in some kind of political mess?"

"No, but her father is. They're having quite the war." Ceros hopped on the sofa next to him and hissed when the mind mage tried to pet him. "Who's they?"

"Some kind of mafia, I couldn't see who. Both sides are very protective of Adeli though. Apparently we're being watched everyday." Chandra looked toward the window. "They watch through these camera things," Jace went on. "Something like the Homunculi that I use to watch my lab."

"There aren't any in the bathroom are there?" she asked, the flame on the tip of her ponytail flickering nervously.

"I don't know. Why?" Chandra shrugged and walked toward the kitchen. "No reason."

* * *

The man deposited the bag on the table. Adeli checked inside.

"Isn't this more than usual?"

"Yeah, the boss said you'd need it since there are two other people with you now." Adeli sighed and took some of the wads of cash out. The man looked at them greedily. "I'll let you have these if you tell Da- the boss that Santa Elena already gave me money for the month. But tell him thank you." The man nodded, swept up the cash and left without another word. The teen sighed and slouched in the chair. The lamplight hurt her eyes, so she looked around for the off switch. It was across the room on the far wall. Her shoe soon took care of the problem.

And the girl sat alone in the dark.

* * *

"You two I'm ho- what are you doing?"

"Sorting the condoms I bought." Jace replied, not looking up. He had separated them into neat little piles of flavored and regular. "You bought more?"

"Oh no, I bought these last time. I only got around to sorting them now. Aether apparently has some unexpected reactions with flavored latex and..." The teen sighed and padded into the kitchen, ignoring the memory adept's lecture. "Oh you're back. Ramen?" said the Firebrand, holding out another bowl.

"No tha- you know what, sure." Adeli grabbed the bowl and drained it of its contents. "What's with you?"

"I'm hungry. And you know what, come on." The teen dragged Chandra across the living room, sidestepping Jace who was still going on about the qualities of latex when mixed with aether. "Where are you taking me? Or for lack of a better word, where are you dragging me?"

"You and I are going out to get some real food." They slammed the door behind them, Jace still droning on and on.

* * *

Hello~

Been a teeny bit busy lately, cramming a research project. Apparently we need it to graduate. -_-


	13. Chapter 13

"ARE YOU INSANE?! THIS PORK ISN'T EVEN THAT FRESH!"

"TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT BITCH!" Adeli sighed and left the money for the pork on the butcher's counter. Apparently letting Chandra do the haggling wasn't the best idea. The planeswalker in question was still in a swearing contest with the butcher. "YOU FU-"

Definitely wasn't the best idea ever.

"Come on, flambé, time to go." said the teen, pushing her towards the vegetables section. "I wasn't done-"

"Oh yes you were. The security guard was giving you the look." Chandra sighed and looked around. "Huh."

"What now?"

"Nothing. I'm just not used to a place like this is all. The markets were never this cold on any of the planes I've been to." Adeli picked up an apple and tossed it to the Firebrand. "It's not a market, it's a grocery."

"Isn't that just the same thing?"

"The hell should I know? There's food here, so it's okay. Don't bite that just yet." Chandra lowered the apple. "Why not?"

"We haven't paid for it."

"We're going to pay for it."

"Couldn't you wait until later, Chandra?"

"No. We're paying for it anyway."

"Yeah, but not now!" Chandra paid her no mind and sank her teeth into the apple. "Never mind."

* * *

Jace sat alone, staring hard at a condom filled with aether. Soon, a little wisp rose from the latex.

"Come on..."

And the little wisp disappeared. The memory adept nearly smashed the table with his face. "Wait a minute." His eyes drifted to the phone.

* * *

"Oh hey, someone's calling- Jace?"

"Yes, Adeli, it's me. I need help." Adeli motioned to Chandra. The Firebrand nodded and put down the lemon. "What's wrong?"

"I need to know how to put my essence into one of these condoms."

"Didn't you already do that?" Chandra rolled her eyes and went back to the fruit stand. "Yes, but I used my hair. I need something stronger."

"Spit. Have you tried spit?"

"Spit is unhygienic."

"Blood?"

"It's red."

"So?"

"I don't like red."

"Chandra's red." Silence. "Wouldn't you know any other ways I could get my essence into this condom thing?" Adeli thought for a moment, rolling around a potato. "You know how to use my computer?"

"That box you have on your desk?"

"The one and only. Can you figure out how to use it? I can't explain right now."

"Probably."

"Better yet, just wait until we get- Chandra the fuck are you doing?!" The planeswalker stopped mid-bite. "I'm hungry."

"You can't just- you know what Jace, just put the phone down and wait for us to get back."

* * *

Back at the house, Jace shrugged. Chandra was probably getting the two in trouble again.

* * *

Adeli lay on the sofa nursing a burn across the length of her arm. "I'm no healer, but this ought to keep it clean." mumbled Jace. Chandra glumly looked over her handiwork. "It could be worse," she said. "I could have burned the whole of you."

"Weren't you planning on doing that? At least to the guard and not me?"

"It was your fault for jumping in front of him."

"Ladies, please-"

"Stay out of it Ja-OW!" The teen scowled after her burnt arm bumped against a pillow. "You two can cook can't you?" she asked. The two planeswalkers looked at each other. "Yes."

"Good. Since _somebody_-" Chandra looked away sheepishly. "-flamebroiled me, you two'll have to make do. The house better not be burning when I wake up." The two walked off toward the kitchen. Ceros jumped up and burrowed into the teen's side. "Those two... think they'll be able to handle themselves there?" The feline meowed and soon started snoring.

* * *

"Nalaar..."

"I have a name."

"Chandra, do you have any idea how to cook?"

"A little. Put that meat on the counter." said the Firebrand, pointing at a yellow plastic bag that reeked of fresh blood. Jace set it down. "Now what?"

"Now, you move away." He didn't have the time to stop her.

* * *

Adeli heard the resounding explosion through the house. When she smelled cooked meat instead of burning flesh, the teen went back to sleep.

* * *

"Are you always this reckless when you cook?!"

"I don't often cook in a regular kitchen, Jace." The memory adept picked up a piece and bit into it. "Not bad."

"What's this? Is the great mind mage Jace Beleren actually approving my cooking?" Chandra made a mock flattered face. "I feel quite honored."

"Well, it's better than what Liliana used to make me." The Firebrand heart jumped a little at that. "What did she ever make you anyway?" Jace flipped the rest onto a plate. "She tried to make me a steak once."

"What happened to it?"

"I was sick for a week." He stared at the plate. "We'll have to make more. This won't feed all three of us." Chandra dug around in the other plastic bags. "What was that steak made of?" Jace poked his head in the refrigerator. "That's the problem. I have no idea what it was."

* * *

Another blast. Still no burnt-flesh smell. Ceros yawned and inched away from his master's arm.

* * *

"This ought to be enough." Jace looked over the pile of smoking meat. "It'll have to be tomorrow. Addie's asleep." said Chandra, walking back into the kitchen holding the teen's portion. She picked a big enough piece and bit into it. "Jace."

"Hmm?"

"Do you know why I helped you that day?"

"No. Why?"

"I don't know. It was a reflex." The two planeswalkers shared a little grin. Ceros saw it all from his spot near the door.

* * *

Finally found the time to write. -_-'' about the rest of this month: I kinda have to make up for a failed chemistry grade and study for three more college entrance tests. Chapters are going to be coming pretty slowly. Sorry.

But I will go on. I swear it on Chandra's cooking skills. XD


End file.
